I Am That Girl.com

I have often wondered how a tight rope walker does it. It's such a thin chord and the only thing that prevents them from crashing to the floor below (or a net if they are lucky) is the mastery of balance. Maybe the reason I am so fascinated by this concept is that I think it is something I myself have rarely known. It's like the one person on campus who you see walking in between every class, but you've never really met them. I've made eye contact with "moderation" but am far from knowing her all that well. I tend to be an "extremist" and yet maybe fitting, even the word sounds ridged and unnatural.

Either way, if you've been reading my blogs, know me personally or have randomly sat across from me in my local Coffee Bean, you'd know this about me. I work a lot. That's a lie. I work all the time. Now keep in mind I'm one of the few people who is so wildly passionate about what I do that my "work" often, coyly masks itself as "play" but even that is a poor excuse for lacking moderation. The reason this is even in my thoughts is because yesterday, I literally did nothing. This is against everything I believe in. I'm the girl who wakes up at 5:30 (voluntarily), who is done with her work-out no later than seven, dressed and ready for the day by eight and spend the next 8-10 hours working on various projects taking minimal breaks to grab snacks here and there. I guess I didn't realize how many rules I had for myself until it was pointed out to me recently by a dear friend.

So this past week I tried on another coat, a new pair of shoes, and I broke my own rules. I stayed up till three a.m. talking to one of my closest friends for no reason but to enjoy the company. I saw a movie in the middle of the day (unheard of), I went to a pool party with no self-set curfew, I had a glass of wine (okay, three), I slept in until 11:30 am (really unheard of), and, to top it off, went two whole days without working out. And to my chagrin...my world did not come crashing down, my business did not crumble and no one cared. In fact, I had the time of my life.

It occurred to me, what is life without balance? For a long time, it's been something "I needed to work on" but was never a must. What is all the hard work for if there's never a moment to enjoy it, or moments of imperfection and non-productivity? Now I can't play ALL the time, I can't slack on my life's responsibilities and still hope to run a successful company but I'm not also expected to play an entire soccer game without a single sub and no half time. At the end of the day, a little fun never hurt anyone and it's a good reminder not to take life too seriously, or yourself for that matter.

I may not be best friends with Ms. Balance yet, but I trust it's only a matter of time.

I woke up this morning at 6:47 in a complete state of panic. Immediately I was brought back to my sophomore year of college when my dysfunctional alarm clock gifted me an extra hour and half of sleep. Unfortunately, it was at the expense of my calculus final. We've all been there, right? You wake up and within four seconds you realized that your world is collapsing and the ever-dreaded, white rabbit from Alice and Wonderland reminds you, "You're late!You're late!"

I may not have been late for a final this morning, but I was well over an hour late to pick up one of my best friends to take her to the airport. My heart pounding I called her to apologize and offer to pay for the taxi she had to take instead. To my surprise, she too woke up and at the same time, we spit out a few four letter words and ended the call with, "Be outside. I'll be there in ten minutes."

For the record it took thirteen minutes, but after the hellacious day I had yesterday, this compounded my frustration, more with myself than anything else. Of course, I drove rather illegally, too fast and too careless, but we made it to the airport only to see a line stretching down to the end of the terminal. LAX is notorious for horrific travel tales, delays and cancellations and this special day was no different. She hopped out of the car hopeful to be standby for the next flight, praying she not miss the concert, and the whole reason she was flying in the first place.

So I dropped her off and I drove for about nine minutes white knuckled on the steering wheel. Yes, I was still upset from the day before, but I was so angry at myself that I practically broke down crying in the car. I felt horrible for making her late and potentially making her miss a concert she had been anticipating for weeks. Two hours later, she called me to say she got on the next flight and everything was going to work out. It was in that moment that I realized, things happen and maybe the best method for dealing with slip-ups isn't bashing your own self-esteem for hours. Maybe the same understanding and compassion we have for the people in our lives, we could extend to ourselves.

I know I'm my biggest critique, in fact, I think Simon Cowell lives inside my mind harshly judging every move I make. It's hard to live up to those expectations. Impossible, I'd venture to say. I need a little more Paula I think. Okay, maybe I woke up late and my best friend almost missed her flight; but the reality is she didn't and things worked out. And in the mean time, I was creating a torture scene inside my mind unnecessarily. Ladies, we HAVE to be nicer to ourselves. Why can we be so loving, understanding, and compassionate to everyone but ourselves? Well, enough is enough.

Someone told me once, "I love you for what you can do, but I love you equally for what you can't." I think it's time I start putting that into practice with myself.

Love is quite possibly the single most documented emotion in the world. Why then, with all of this documentation, can we not figure out better guidelines, or how to books, recipes, formulas, compasses or maps? Love is so illusive, yet it is the single greatest drive for a human being. Now, as I started this blog, I had no real direction. I decided that to even tackle this concept meant I had to put my fingers on my keyboard and hope that by some divine intervention, fairy dust or imaginative inspiration something would hopefully spill out. I'm still waiting.... haha.

But honestly, one of my girl friends was complaining recently about an ex-boyfriend who broke her heart. She was devastated and her seemingly justifiable response to such heartache was that she doesn't believe in love anymore. Immediately my heart felt as though it were going to stop mid-beat. I feel like Tinker Bell when she doesn't have enough claps because, ladies, we have all been there or have known someone who has and we simply can't give up. It's too easy to throw in the towel, to harden our hearts, to build a fortress to newcomers, put our hearts in storage and retire our love jersey. And trust me when I say I'm not preaching about this one, there truly is no soap box under my high heels.

I'm also not limiting this to dating relationships or boys. I'm talking about relationships in general and the love or lack thereof felt by so many. All I know is that love can be mistreated, manipulated, or lost and yet the beauty is that love is resilient. Love can grow where it once existed or from a place that has never known its presence. Love doesn't leave unless we allow it to exit the premises and it comes quicker than Batman himself to injustice.

So this is my cry for hope for all of you - for me for that matter. Hang in there. I know you may have been knocked down so many times by this point that you have every justification in the world to stay down for the count, but don't; please get back up. Believe with me. We can hold hands through this one, but we can't give up. Fight for your heart; you deserve it. Love in the hands of imperfect people will quickly display characteristics of its host, but just because some people have not treated your heart with the utmost care, doesn't mean someone won't. People are out there who know the preciousness of a heart and will treat it with the respect and fragility it deserves.

There are those who read the little tag on a dry clean only dress and abide by its recommendation and those who ignore its suggestion toss it in the wash like it's a pair of dingy old jeans. Our hearts are DRY CLEAN ONLY; no ifs, ands or buts. You're worth it, so only put it in the hands of people who will care for it as such.

I have to admit that one of the things I struggle with the most is asking for help. For some reason, I think it makes me look like I don't know what I'm doing, shows weakness or just makes me look dumb. However, recently, I have learned that it's quite the opposite. Having the confidence to actually admit that you have no clue what you are doing not only allows someone the opportunity to help you, but then you actually get somewhere instead of painting a fake facade that you have it altogether. I finally realized that it boiled down to two options, my pride or my company's success. Easy choice. I now ask for help, from anyone, from everyone for that matter and I am shameless in my approach.

Ever since this epiphany, I swear that I have been a magnet to major CEO's; whether it's sitting next to one in a restaurant, calling in a favor from one of my parent's friends or the guy I start chatting with in Coffee Bean, I swear it's like they are following me. In all honesty, I have been unbelievably grateful to how much the universe tuned into my plea for marketing help and the marketing gurus that have practically shown up at my door step. Keep in mind that while people can serendipitously be placed in your life, it's really up to you once the opportunity presents itself.

In the past, I would have smiled and thought, wow, I could really use their help but not said a word. Now, it's the opposite, I can't STOP talking and asking questions. As I said before, I am shameless about asking a total stranger if they have time for me to buy them coffee and pick their brain. And what's incredible is not one person has said no to me yet. You'd be surprised how happy people want to share their success stories. What's more flattering that that anyway? Basically you're telling someone that you deeply admire what they have achieved in their life and would love nothing more than a bit of their time to hear what they obviously did very right in life. Worse case scenario they say no; and who cares if they do? You'll never see them again.

Today, for instance, I met an incredible man literally sitting in Coffee Bean. He just so happened to own a HUGE marketing company and he selflessly spent two hours out of his busy schedule to pass on eons of wisdom, advice, suggestions and contacts. There's no reason to reinvent the wheel ladies. Experience is priceless; it's where all the mistakes are made and if someone is successful, it means they not only made their mistakes, but more importantly, they learned from them. So LEARN from their mistakes, pick their brain. I don't believe that success is just by chance - I'm at least not leaving mine up to that. Find as many successful people as possible and stack them around you. Ask them everything you can imagine and bounce ideas off them. You have nothing to lose. As one man told me, "Fly with the eagles, not with the sparrows."

Sure I can spend the next ten years of life fumbling around a dark jungle tripping over everything in my path and running into tree after tree; but I can also grab a flashlight and cover the same amount of distance in a fraction of the time while avoiding most of the serious obstacles. I don't know about you, but I prefer the flashlight. So next chance you get, be bold, ask for help. You'll be shocked how many people would be honored to be your flashlight.

The other night, five of my best friends got all dolled up and attended a big, red carpet, fashion show in Hollywood. To be honest, it felt like we were all getting ready for prom and there's nothing better than getting your hair done, throwing on your latest wardrobe purchase and a fabulous pair of heels. Now don't get me wrong, I can watch football and eat a sloppy burger with the best of them but I equally enjoy playing Cinderella with all my best girlfriends for an evening out on the town.

Last night I was reminded how lucky I am to be surrounded with amazing, supportive girlfriends. Rather than spend our time wastefully discussing our "flaws," we're all about showering one another with compliments and not allowing the receiver of the compliment to say anything but "thank you." My mom used to always say how important it was to learn how to receive a compliment with grace. We are working on that, even though I am well aware of the fact that it doesn't necessarily come naturally to most girls.

You have to find confident women who truly are not threatened by one another and are dedicated to being encouraging and supportive, and who hold you accountable to be the same. It is much more fun to spend the drive over basking in your own beauty, discussing your strengths, why you look hot and have your best friends doing the same. While there is a fine line between cocky and confident, I think there is nothing wrong with acknowledging each other's beauty! Plus on the scale between cocky and confidence, I think girls today have a LONG way to go before we're pushing the envelope.

Plus your girlfriends know who you are and that you're not some pretentious girl, completely full of herself so why shouldn't we have a little sanctuary where all we do is encourage one another. Trust me, in attending a fashion show with girls that weigh as much as my left thigh, you HAVE to bolster your confidence and walk in feeling like a million bucks anyway!